Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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