corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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