Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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