stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize