Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
