i think i have herpe
just one?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
