I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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