she was so not down for the gang bang
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
