I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
