I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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