So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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