Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize