Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
