I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
