i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
