Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
