he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
