I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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