So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
