so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
