SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
