Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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