Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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