Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
