ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
