I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
