Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
