it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize