she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
