Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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