At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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