do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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