actually, I'm a sock model
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
