What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
