Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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