please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
