Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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