What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
