why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
