Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
