Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
