Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
