I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
