i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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