You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
