she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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