You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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