did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
