??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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