I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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