I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You've changed since you got that strap on
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
