I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize