note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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