How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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