Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
