I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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