Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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