Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
