id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
