I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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