Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
