Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
