I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
