We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
