Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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