i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
