One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
