Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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