I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
