looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize