Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
