Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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