I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She told me I should be a condom model.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
