I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize