According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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