all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
