I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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