Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
