I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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