I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
